Success is often measured by what is visibly achieved. But in life, there are moments when commitment, intention, and integrity are present — and yet the result does not materialise. Then the question shifts:is this failure, or have we (successfully) done what was truly necessary?
This article explores, through a personal story, success as something other than outcome: as staying true to yourself, (learning to) learn from what does not work, while also safeguarding your own resilience.
As a child, I had two kittens. One black kitten and another with a tabby coat. They differed enormously in appearance and also in character. The tabby kitten was calm and noble in nature. The black kitten had sharper edges and could strike unexpectedly. Yet they got along well. They played together, sought each other out, and seemed to effortlessly tolerate each other's oppositeness.
The black kitten was not always easy. Yet I never treated her any differently. Care was not a reward for good behaviour, but a constant. Boundaries where necessary, closeness where possible.
Without realising it, I learned something essential there: difference does not have to be a problem to work together.
One day, the young black kitten became completely panicked. She meowed incessantly around me, searching, restless. Not looking for a solution, but for closeness because she - as it turned out later - was about to give birth.
Only when I placed her in a cardboard box did something change. The box provided boundaries: a cradle. A safe, defined space. The work could suddenly begin. The black kitten stood upright, with her front paws on the edge of the box and one paw on my hand. As if she was saying:I can do this alone, but not without you.
The newborn was already large and furry with a tiger coat. It seemed ready to live. And yet it did not survive. That uncomfortable fact is part of the story. Care, even when it is close, involved and right, does not guarantee success.
Later I understood how decisive this is for leadership in organisations.
In teams undergoing change, this becomes visible. People fundamentally differ in pace, style and character. Some are noble and connecting. Others are sharp, reactive or restless. The temptation is great to make care dependent on behaviour, or to focus leadership on those who adapt most easily.
But value-based leadership does not start from uniformity. It embraces difference. It provides a bedding when needed, without preference politics.
Even in organisations, we see people and projects that seem to have everything going for them. Talent, maturity, involvement. Teams where the plan is right and the intentions are pure. And yet it stalls. Not due to a lack of care or effort, but because context, timing or capacity falls short.
Value-based leadership acknowledges that not everything that has potential is viable within the context in which it arises. It tolerates that not every journey succeeds, not every employee grows along, not every story ends well.
The black kitten received what it really needed at a crucial moment. Her young had potential but unfortunately did not survive. This outcome was beyond my control — and that is precisely the essence of value-based leadership.
It's about being present, respecting boundaries, and at the same time remaining true to oneself rather than focusing solely on results.
Not everything someone does will succeed. But even if it fails, it can give meaning to learning and growing from that experienceand motivate to continue with what has been made possible again.
Value-based leadership is therefore not about guarantees or success and saving others. It's about bearing difference, providing support and proximity, even when the outcome remains uncertain. Staying close but without taking over. Allowing the other to take their own responsibility.
As those two kittens unconsciously taught me: difference can coexist, commitment can be meaningful, and yet something can still end. Doing what is truly needed in a given situation is not a guarantee of visible results but is of great significance. Integrity, learning, and self-awareness are the true measures of commitment.
Reflection question for leaders:
Where in your work do you remain true to your values, learn from what fails, and at the same time maintain your own capacity?