“Who is on my side?” It seems like an innocent question. Yet it is often a signal that something fundamental is going wrong within a team.
In healthy teams, people look for solutions. In teams where trust is under pressure, people increasingly look for allies.
That is not a detail. It is a turning point.
From truth to protection
In a healthy team, the most important question is: “What is the best solution for our customer, our organisation or our team?”
People have differing opinions, ask critical questions, and challenge each other. Not because they want to convince one another, but because they want to arrive at a better decision together.
In an unsafe team, that question subtly shifts to: “Who is on my side if this goes wrong?”
From that moment on, the dynamics change. Discussions become less about arguments and more about influence. Feedback becomes cautious and strategic. Information is withheld. People build informal coalitions because they no longer trust the system.
Loyalty shifts from the organisation to the group.
Why kindness is not enough
Many organisations invest in psychological safety by focusing on open communication, respect and a positive atmosphere.
That is valuable. But it is not enough. A friendly culture can still be unsafe when rules are applied arbitrarily, exceptions are made for certain individuals, or decisions depend on relationships rather than principles.
Psychological safety does not arise solely because people feel welcome. It arises because people know what to expect. When agreements are predictable. When values are applied consistently. When the same standards apply to everyone. Not just on good days, but especially when the pressure increases.
Everyone defends principles as long as they are easy."Does someone continue to defend the same principles when those principles are also detrimental to themselves?"
That is where integrity becomes visible. A leader who holds themselves to the same rules as their employees. A colleague who takes responsibility for a mistake. A team that has difficult conversations without looking for blame.
Values only gain meaning when they cost something. Otherwise, they remain beautiful words on a wall.
The first signs that trust is eroding
Often it starts subtly.
● People first ask who is involved before they look at the content.
● Decisions are judged based on the sender rather than the arguments.
● Feedback is only given within ‘safe’ groups.
● Colleagues gather confirmation from allies before they make anything discussable.
● More political behaviour arises than collaboration.
At that moment, the team revolves less around shared responsibility and more around personal protection.
How do you restore trust?
You do not restore trust with an inspiration session or a team building.
You restore it by making the organisation predictable and fair again.
1. Make principles explicit
Do not just talk about values, but translate them into concrete behaviour. What agreements always apply? Where do we make no exceptions?
2. Apply rules consistently
Trust grows fastest when people see that leaders hold themselves to the same standards as everyone else. Credibility arises from role modelling.
3. Make decisions transparent
People accept difficult decisions more easily when they understand how they came about. Explain criteria. Be clear about considerations.
4. Reward courage, not politics
Value people who make problems discussable, take responsibility, and dare to be constructively critical. Not those who gather the most allies.
5. Ask one simple question
When a difficult decision needs to be made, ask: “Would we make the same decision today if the person involved were someone else?” That one question often reveals unconscious preferential treatment.
6. Let conflicts return to the content
When conversations become personal or conflicts arise, bring the conversation back to the shared mission.
No: “Who is right?” But: “What helps our customer, our team and our organisation the most?”
Trust begins with predictability
Perhaps that is the most important lesson. Psychological safety does not arise from everyone always being nice.
It arises from people being able to trust that principles do not change when circumstances change.
When arguments are more important than power.
When values are stronger than preferences.
When no one is given an exception.
Then people no longer need allies. Then they have each other.
Reflection question
Ask yourself this question today:
Are decisions within your organisation primarily driven by shared principles… or by personal relationships?
The answer says a lot about the culture in your organisation.